Since the day Aiden was born… I knew in the back of my mind that in 12 weeks I would have to return to work. I did the best I could not think about it and to enjoy and soak in every moment with my precious baby! Still, the thought kept creeping back up whether it was my own thought or some one always asking “When do you go back to work?” to which I responded, “I don’t like to talk about it!” :)
My 12 weeks with Aiden have been amazing, hard, joyful, tiring, exciting, frustrating and mostly…. The BEST thing EVER! No matter the day or what was going on, I was beyond in love with Aiden Christopher! Along with my husband, he is the JOY of my life! I am so incredibly blessed with the family God has given to me.
The last 12 weeks I have been with Aiden 24/7! And to think that I would only see him in the mornings and at night brought me STRAIGHT to tears… like its doing now. I never thought I would be a “working Mom” but its something that I have to do right now for this family God has blessed me with. It’s not going to be an easy journey or very fun at times…but I will do it and I’m trying to fill my mind with the positives to it all. Even though, it still plain SUCKS! It’s this feeling of “I have to give him back”… I was only able to be with him for a little bit and now I have to “hand him over.” UGH! Am I less of a Mom because I’m working and entrust him to someone else’s care? Will he remember me when I'm at work? Will he think I have abandoned him? These questions taunt me!
BUT I had a friend tell me to think of going back to work as a “Provision from God”…It’s a way of God providing for us, I never want to be ungrateful for what God blesses us with. And for those parents that have lost their little ones to horrible diseases and cancer… I think about them and that they would JUMP to the opportunity to go back to work and drop their child off to their parents or daycare just so they could have them back! And then I feel HORRIBLE for taking for granted that at least my little Aiden is here with me.
So I’m not there yet… I’m not comfortable yet with all this… but God has a plan and if it’s His plan for me to work right now, then so be it… but if it’s His plan in the future to be able to stay home or at least go part-time one day, then bring it on! My dream (and its good to dream, right? :)) is to one day be home with my kids and love on them the way my Mom was with me, my sister and brother. We are all on our journeys and there are probably things that we don’t like about them… I was talking with my friend Lis the other day and I told her I just have to take it one day at a time. Get through today, this week, this month and then get to Christmas. While I’m struggling with "this" (working), she is getting to stay home with her sweet little girl, but she is struggling being miles and miles away from her friends and family… We both have something the other one wants, but I guess we can’t have it all right now?! So Lis is getting through today, this week, this month and looks forward to the days she gets to come home. Oh my friend, how I love being on this journey with you…we have always gone through the same types of things at the same moment in time and we know how each other feels. I MISS YOU! What I would give for an afternoon with you and Gracie to just hang out and talk.
So for now… this is my journey. I am SO grateful for my Mom who is willing to make a huge sacrifice to watch Aiden so that I have the comfort of knowing that when I go to work…he is with some one that loves him just as much! Thank you Mom, you will never know how much this means to me!
Quick Update: AIDEN IS 3 months old!! Oh my word… It goes by WAY to fast. He is talking more, smiling more… LOVES to be outside, loves to stand up and use those strong legs, loves to be in his exersaucer & the bouncy seat (even though NOTHING keeps him busy for long), loves to eat, loves to be held and wants to continue looking around at this big big world…So much to see! :) And I swear he is gonna laugh at any moment! I can't wait to hear his first little giggle! My favorite moments with him are in the mornings because he is so smilely and talkative and then at night during bath time when he is the same way. Jason was standing him up on the counter in the bathroom the other night and he was standing proud, looking in the mirror and just look like a little man…Jason said “You think you are a grown man, don’t you?!” and the look on Aiden’s face was like “Yes I am!!!” haha.
I will be posting some updated pictures of him soon... plus I will have lots more to write about because on Monday I become an Aunt for the FIRST time! Little Gabriel & Isaiah will be welcomed to our family! So excited to meet them and for Aiden to have cousins!!! Oh how they will be the best of friends!